These past few weeks have been particularly difficult for me, especially at work. Just when I though things were beginning to get a little better for me mentally, God thrust one of my biggest struggles right into my face without absolutely any escape. Not one, but two of my co-workers are newly pregnant which means that they both were placed in the office with me. I literally have no way of avoiding them, for eight hours each day they are right in front of me. No escape. Obviously God thought that it was time to make me face this issue I have with pregnant women. By issue I mean every time I am around a pregnant woman I have the instant urge to want to burst into tears. I don't know what it is, but every time I am around some one who is pregnant I can't help it as hard as I try. For some reason I have a really difficult time stopping the rapid thoughts of, "that should have been us." "why aren't we able to have kids?" "they're on their 3rd kid, it's not fair".... So far all of my attempts at trying to stop this train of thought have failed.
The first day that I realized that I would be placed with my pregnant coworkers I was legitimately worried that I would not be able to make it through the shift without crying at least every 30 minutes. Thankfully I had only lost it twice, both times the emotional overload coincided with my meal breaks. By those times I was ready to step away and mentally gather myself. One thing that helped was all the work I had to accomplish during my shift, concentrating on all of the tasks helped a little. Just not enough. The hardest part is hearing them complain about common pregnancy issues, I really do feel for them and try to sympathize with them. It's still hard not trying to comment and say what I'm really thinking. Thoughts like "I wish I was going through that", "what I would give to feel those things"....
I still have a few more months of trying to figure out how to deal with this issue, but after a few weeks of trying to push past this issue I still feel like I haven't made much progress. I'm hoping that in a few weeks it will be easier for me to be around pregnant women, but only time will tell.
The first day that I realized that I would be placed with my pregnant coworkers I was legitimately worried that I would not be able to make it through the shift without crying at least every 30 minutes. Thankfully I had only lost it twice, both times the emotional overload coincided with my meal breaks. By those times I was ready to step away and mentally gather myself. One thing that helped was all the work I had to accomplish during my shift, concentrating on all of the tasks helped a little. Just not enough. The hardest part is hearing them complain about common pregnancy issues, I really do feel for them and try to sympathize with them. It's still hard not trying to comment and say what I'm really thinking. Thoughts like "I wish I was going through that", "what I would give to feel those things"....
I still have a few more months of trying to figure out how to deal with this issue, but after a few weeks of trying to push past this issue I still feel like I haven't made much progress. I'm hoping that in a few weeks it will be easier for me to be around pregnant women, but only time will tell.
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