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Saturday, April 30, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Losing Control
Before this long struggle of ours, I thought I knew what losing control meant. I thought I was one of those people who could completely just let go and go with the flow of things. I slowly learned through these many months of testing and operations, that I had a lot more growing to do in the area of letting go of control and letting God take the reigns. Infertility is one of those things that doesn't give you a choice on whether or not you get to control how your body responds to the tests or treatments.
For females, if your eggs are to small or few, the doctors may give you medication to help make them grow to an ideal size to make conception more likely. But whether your body responds correctly to the initial dosage that they give you is completely out of your control. If your cycles are completely unpredictable, then it makes it even more difficult for the doctors to determine when is a good time for you to begin certain medications or begin certain injections. It's completely out of your control.
After several months of testing and trying to control when my body did certain things, it became completely frustrating and I felt like I had no idea what to do to get my body to cooperate.
That's when it hit me, I realized that through this continuous struggle I had completely lost control. I no longer had a firm grip on what was going on with my body, I was no longer able to control how quickly or slowly things would happen. I mean, I know I never really had control to begin with, but before infertility I really felt like I was able to control or at least predict exactly when things were going to happen. It was just way more apparent this time and really made me come to terms with the fact that I truly do not have control over my life, that everything in our lives is completely out of our control and in God's hands.
Coming to this epiphany brought a wave of peace over me. Being reminded that even though our infertility is completely out of our hands, but is in God's control made me feel so much more relaxed. Although our infertility continues to be something out of our control, and at times completely frustrating, I am constantly reminded of the many other times I was not in control of a situation and God had made it work for the better. That in every situation I could remember, good or bad, God took care of me and did not let me down. Losing control of this major issue turned out to be another unexpected lesson from God; we are truly never in complete control. And that's okay, because if we let God be in complete control it will always work our for our benefit whether or not it is apparent to us at that time.
For females, if your eggs are to small or few, the doctors may give you medication to help make them grow to an ideal size to make conception more likely. But whether your body responds correctly to the initial dosage that they give you is completely out of your control. If your cycles are completely unpredictable, then it makes it even more difficult for the doctors to determine when is a good time for you to begin certain medications or begin certain injections. It's completely out of your control.
After several months of testing and trying to control when my body did certain things, it became completely frustrating and I felt like I had no idea what to do to get my body to cooperate.
That's when it hit me, I realized that through this continuous struggle I had completely lost control. I no longer had a firm grip on what was going on with my body, I was no longer able to control how quickly or slowly things would happen. I mean, I know I never really had control to begin with, but before infertility I really felt like I was able to control or at least predict exactly when things were going to happen. It was just way more apparent this time and really made me come to terms with the fact that I truly do not have control over my life, that everything in our lives is completely out of our control and in God's hands.
Coming to this epiphany brought a wave of peace over me. Being reminded that even though our infertility is completely out of our hands, but is in God's control made me feel so much more relaxed. Although our infertility continues to be something out of our control, and at times completely frustrating, I am constantly reminded of the many other times I was not in control of a situation and God had made it work for the better. That in every situation I could remember, good or bad, God took care of me and did not let me down. Losing control of this major issue turned out to be another unexpected lesson from God; we are truly never in complete control. And that's okay, because if we let God be in complete control it will always work our for our benefit whether or not it is apparent to us at that time.
Friday, April 15, 2016
You Matter
When going through a major struggle like infertility there's one thing I've never thought I would have to remind myself as well as others; even though you may not have a baby or be able to adopt, you still matter. Just because you may not have a child at that point in time, or maybe even ever, it does not make you less of a human being.
Sadly though this is something I am constantly sating not only to myself, but others as well. Not being able to have a baby through natural conception or infertility treatments does not mean that you are broken, nor does it mean that you have no value. It just means that God has made us all differently, and he has a greater testimony being developed through our struggles than what we can presently see.
One quote that I came across recently was a great reminder of this:
"...with a baby or without, you are valuable, you are whole, and you matter..."
- An Infertility Story (AmateurNester.com)
These are such important words to be told and frequently reminded as an infertile couple. That we are not defined by whether or not we have babies or kids or even how quickly we can have them. That we are not incomplete if we are not able to have kids. Sadly though, these are normal thoughts that almost every one has when they first begun to experience infertility. The cause of these thoughts are many and come from a plethora of outlets ranging from secular and non secular areas. It comes from commercials, television shows, social media, books, radio, film, and so on. It's hard to not let yourself think such negative thoughts about being infertile when you are constantly surrounded by so many things telling you just that.
Even with all of these negative thoughts and ideas lurking around every corner, it made me realize something major; my worth and identity are not defined by my ability to have kids. This also applies to people who do not feel led to even have kids. Our identity is in Christ alone.
If God wants us to have children from any method of conception or through adoption, He will surely make it happen. But as I've learned and mentioned before, sometimes that is not His plan for certain people. Sometimes His plan for us does not involve children, or His giftings to us don't include being led to have children, and that's okay. All it means is that there is a different path for our lives and constant testimony that He has in store for us.
You still matter, you are still important to God and his work in this world.
Sadly though this is something I am constantly sating not only to myself, but others as well. Not being able to have a baby through natural conception or infertility treatments does not mean that you are broken, nor does it mean that you have no value. It just means that God has made us all differently, and he has a greater testimony being developed through our struggles than what we can presently see.
One quote that I came across recently was a great reminder of this:
"...with a baby or without, you are valuable, you are whole, and you matter..."
- An Infertility Story (AmateurNester.com)
These are such important words to be told and frequently reminded as an infertile couple. That we are not defined by whether or not we have babies or kids or even how quickly we can have them. That we are not incomplete if we are not able to have kids. Sadly though, these are normal thoughts that almost every one has when they first begun to experience infertility. The cause of these thoughts are many and come from a plethora of outlets ranging from secular and non secular areas. It comes from commercials, television shows, social media, books, radio, film, and so on. It's hard to not let yourself think such negative thoughts about being infertile when you are constantly surrounded by so many things telling you just that.
Even with all of these negative thoughts and ideas lurking around every corner, it made me realize something major; my worth and identity are not defined by my ability to have kids. This also applies to people who do not feel led to even have kids. Our identity is in Christ alone.
If God wants us to have children from any method of conception or through adoption, He will surely make it happen. But as I've learned and mentioned before, sometimes that is not His plan for certain people. Sometimes His plan for us does not involve children, or His giftings to us don't include being led to have children, and that's okay. All it means is that there is a different path for our lives and constant testimony that He has in store for us.
You still matter, you are still important to God and his work in this world.
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