I know I have mentioned in one of my other posts how I came to the epiphany that it was okay to feel the emotions I was feeling, but I never realized that there were many other women who are struggling with infertility that were also going through the same battle with emotions that I was. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's completely okay to feel the way you are feeling; sadness, anger, frustration, etc. are normal to be dealing with. The worst part of this struggle for myself was when others around me refused to validate the emotions I was going through. I cam to realize that many of those individuals were people who had never struggled with infertility, or really any major loss of any kind for that matter. They just didn't understand why I couldn't suck it up and move on, mainly because they had never had to deal with something difficult before. Or they didn't feel like dealing with me being sad, angry, or any other kind of negative emotion. That in return caused me to distance myself from several people in my life because I couldn't deal with bottling up my emotions around them anymore. All they wanted to do was be around me for the positive emotions, but not be there when I was hurting.
As a result I began to feel like there was something wrong with me for feeling the way I was. I started to feel like I was being unreasonable or as if I was wrong for having the emotions I was having. Guilt started to seep in and any time I started to express any type of negative emotion to a friend or family member I found myself constantly apologizing for those emotions. It wasn't until I found an online infertility community on Facebook that I started to realize that what I was going through was normal. I began to connect with other women who had gone through or were currently going through a situation similar to mine. I don't mean just infertility, but infertility caused by unexplained reasons or due to an ovary being removed at an early age. I saw them write about the anger and frustration that they were feeling because of their infertility, and I saw others comforting them. I saw other individuals validating the other person's feelings or telling each other how they went through the exact same situation.
Most importantly I saw the individuals of the community supporting each other and reminding each other that it was okay. It was okay to be dealing with the emotions they were feeling. It was okay to be frustrated that after 3+ years you were still not able to conceive, that it was okay to feel sad at the sight of a family with a new baby. Not because the sight of a new baby makes you instantly sad, but because seeing that happy family with a new baby is a reminder of something that you still do not have after several years of trying to conceive. For being frustrated that after doing everything you possibly can, medically and spiritually, you still are not able to get pregnant.
I felt a huge wave of relief come over me after seeing all of the people validate, encourage, and support others who were going through the same exact situation the other was. That's when it really hit me; it's okay to not be okay. What we are going through is something extremely difficult emotionally and physically. It's also something that for whatever reason is still incredibly difficult for people to talk about or admit to. For most people it's still considered shameful or embarrassing to admit that they are struggling with infertility. Or they feel like they are bad people for feeling the negative emotions that they are struggling with.
Well, it's not bad and it's completely normal to be dealing with all these negative emotions. It's also completely natural that a person would be sad, upset, angry frustrated, etc. when going through something as difficult as infertility. And as I have found, the only way that you are going to properly heal and be able to be strong enough to continue through this journey is to accept that what you are feeling is normal. If you do not come to realize that the bad emotions you are struggling with are normal, you will only dig yourself into a deeper pit of depression and cause yourself to have a mental or emotional breakdown like I almost did.
Before I was connected with people going through the same thing we were and were feeling the same things we were, I was at the brink of a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I couldn't keep the negative parts bottled up for much longer and I couldn't deal with people telling me to just suck it up and move on. If it wasn't for the community that I found through social media and through word of mouth or
by others I was randomly connected to through work or the doctor's office, I would be in a much worse mental state. Having individuals tell me that it was okay to be sad or frustrated made a huge impact on me. It also made me come to the realization that if I was struggling with the fact that it's okay to be feeling the way I was, that there were probably many others like me who were struggling with feeling okay to express those negative emotions. So if you are one of those people, I'm here to tell you again; it's okay to not be okay.
As a result I began to feel like there was something wrong with me for feeling the way I was. I started to feel like I was being unreasonable or as if I was wrong for having the emotions I was having. Guilt started to seep in and any time I started to express any type of negative emotion to a friend or family member I found myself constantly apologizing for those emotions. It wasn't until I found an online infertility community on Facebook that I started to realize that what I was going through was normal. I began to connect with other women who had gone through or were currently going through a situation similar to mine. I don't mean just infertility, but infertility caused by unexplained reasons or due to an ovary being removed at an early age. I saw them write about the anger and frustration that they were feeling because of their infertility, and I saw others comforting them. I saw other individuals validating the other person's feelings or telling each other how they went through the exact same situation.
Most importantly I saw the individuals of the community supporting each other and reminding each other that it was okay. It was okay to be dealing with the emotions they were feeling. It was okay to be frustrated that after 3+ years you were still not able to conceive, that it was okay to feel sad at the sight of a family with a new baby. Not because the sight of a new baby makes you instantly sad, but because seeing that happy family with a new baby is a reminder of something that you still do not have after several years of trying to conceive. For being frustrated that after doing everything you possibly can, medically and spiritually, you still are not able to get pregnant.
I felt a huge wave of relief come over me after seeing all of the people validate, encourage, and support others who were going through the same exact situation the other was. That's when it really hit me; it's okay to not be okay. What we are going through is something extremely difficult emotionally and physically. It's also something that for whatever reason is still incredibly difficult for people to talk about or admit to. For most people it's still considered shameful or embarrassing to admit that they are struggling with infertility. Or they feel like they are bad people for feeling the negative emotions that they are struggling with.
Well, it's not bad and it's completely normal to be dealing with all these negative emotions. It's also completely natural that a person would be sad, upset, angry frustrated, etc. when going through something as difficult as infertility. And as I have found, the only way that you are going to properly heal and be able to be strong enough to continue through this journey is to accept that what you are feeling is normal. If you do not come to realize that the bad emotions you are struggling with are normal, you will only dig yourself into a deeper pit of depression and cause yourself to have a mental or emotional breakdown like I almost did.
Before I was connected with people going through the same thing we were and were feeling the same things we were, I was at the brink of a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I couldn't keep the negative parts bottled up for much longer and I couldn't deal with people telling me to just suck it up and move on. If it wasn't for the community that I found through social media and through word of mouth or
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