When we decided to try a basic IUI treatment, we had no idea just how many injections that it was going to entail. You can imagine my surprise when I received the instructions from the doctor and noticed that there were going to be several injections as well as pills. Not exactly the best news for some one who has a phobia of medical needles. My fear only grew when I went to the pharmacy to pick up the medications and saw just how large AND long the needles were. I swear I just about passed out when the poor pharmacist gave me the needles, I even laughed and said, 'this must be for some one else, right?'. Sadly, it was not a mistake and they were all for me. I went home trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was going to have to somehow muster up the strength (mentally and physically) to go through with both injections at home.
The pills were easy enough to take, but it was the crazy symptoms they commonly caused that had me worried. I was at a new job where no one knew me that well just yet and also wouldn't know that I might have mood swings that were not a reflection of my normal personality. I also have a track record of being allergic to new medications, naturally I was worried that I would randomly be allergic to one of these new pills. Because of that possibility I decided to tell my new boss so that if heaven forbid it happened at work, they would know what was going on. Thankfully, I didn't develop any allergies to the medications.
When it came time for my husband to give me the first two injections all hell broke lose, at least mentally for me. Obviously I knew that later that night my husband would be giving me the injections, so I tried to prepare myself mentally for it all day. I prayed, I even tried to watch videos of people getting injections during lunch to try and desensitize myself a little bit. When I got home I tried to tell myself that I was ready for this and that it would be worth it if I got pregnant. I felt confident and ready for the injection. Boy was I enormously wrong about that. The whole day I kept envisioning the needle, I would tell myself it's just the small needle. How bad could it hurt? When my husband brought everything out I noticed that the small thin needles were not the ones he was holding, but instead the massive and long needles. I went into instant freakout mode.
I literally smacked his hand away and almost knocked them right out of his grip. I even checked the instructions because I though surely he was mistaken and had the wrong ones. Nope, they were the correct needles. After about 30 minutes of crying while having a panic attack, my husband made the executive decision to just do the injections quick and while I was completely distracted. Part of me was thankful that he decided to think quick and just do it so I had no time to think or process what was going on. The other half of me was going to murder him in his sleep for doing something like that. Mainly because the needles were so big and long that I could feel every second of it in me and it hurt like hell. The third injection I convinced the doctor to give to me during my appointment, because otherwise I was going to have to give it to myself at work. And we all know how the first to went at home, that was not going to happen at work.
As most of you know we did not have success with the IUI, I didn't even remotely have the slightest of pregnancy symptoms. AF came right on time and with no complications. After all of that craziness and realizing that my fear of medical needles was still alive and well, we decided to instead focus on holistic or natural treatments instead. We also decided to focus on looking for adoption agencies and what we need to do in order to prepare for that journey. We also decided that in continuing to move up to more powerful medications for treatments, which would include more injections, would only cause more stress for both of us. Which would only continue to reduce the chances of us getting pregnant. The statistics the doctor gave us for chances of success for IVF was still incredibly low for us. After a lot of prayer we decided to not go through expensive western treatments, but to instead go the more natural route. Even if it meant we would never have any children of our own.
Making this decision also helped us to begin looking more seriously into adoption and preparing for that journey. But it also meant that we didn't have to worry about spending large sums of money all at once on the treatments. Spending all of that money would effectively make us go bankrupt. We still do not have a little one of our own yet, but I can safely say that our mental and physical health are much better after coming to that conclusion.
The pills were easy enough to take, but it was the crazy symptoms they commonly caused that had me worried. I was at a new job where no one knew me that well just yet and also wouldn't know that I might have mood swings that were not a reflection of my normal personality. I also have a track record of being allergic to new medications, naturally I was worried that I would randomly be allergic to one of these new pills. Because of that possibility I decided to tell my new boss so that if heaven forbid it happened at work, they would know what was going on. Thankfully, I didn't develop any allergies to the medications.
When it came time for my husband to give me the first two injections all hell broke lose, at least mentally for me. Obviously I knew that later that night my husband would be giving me the injections, so I tried to prepare myself mentally for it all day. I prayed, I even tried to watch videos of people getting injections during lunch to try and desensitize myself a little bit. When I got home I tried to tell myself that I was ready for this and that it would be worth it if I got pregnant. I felt confident and ready for the injection. Boy was I enormously wrong about that. The whole day I kept envisioning the needle, I would tell myself it's just the small needle. How bad could it hurt? When my husband brought everything out I noticed that the small thin needles were not the ones he was holding, but instead the massive and long needles. I went into instant freakout mode.
I literally smacked his hand away and almost knocked them right out of his grip. I even checked the instructions because I though surely he was mistaken and had the wrong ones. Nope, they were the correct needles. After about 30 minutes of crying while having a panic attack, my husband made the executive decision to just do the injections quick and while I was completely distracted. Part of me was thankful that he decided to think quick and just do it so I had no time to think or process what was going on. The other half of me was going to murder him in his sleep for doing something like that. Mainly because the needles were so big and long that I could feel every second of it in me and it hurt like hell. The third injection I convinced the doctor to give to me during my appointment, because otherwise I was going to have to give it to myself at work. And we all know how the first to went at home, that was not going to happen at work.
As most of you know we did not have success with the IUI, I didn't even remotely have the slightest of pregnancy symptoms. AF came right on time and with no complications. After all of that craziness and realizing that my fear of medical needles was still alive and well, we decided to instead focus on holistic or natural treatments instead. We also decided to focus on looking for adoption agencies and what we need to do in order to prepare for that journey. We also decided that in continuing to move up to more powerful medications for treatments, which would include more injections, would only cause more stress for both of us. Which would only continue to reduce the chances of us getting pregnant. The statistics the doctor gave us for chances of success for IVF was still incredibly low for us. After a lot of prayer we decided to not go through expensive western treatments, but to instead go the more natural route. Even if it meant we would never have any children of our own.
Making this decision also helped us to begin looking more seriously into adoption and preparing for that journey. But it also meant that we didn't have to worry about spending large sums of money all at once on the treatments. Spending all of that money would effectively make us go bankrupt. We still do not have a little one of our own yet, but I can safely say that our mental and physical health are much better after coming to that conclusion.
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